Not Everything Needs Fixing

“To save someone who’s drowning, you must first know how to swim very well.”

When I heard this on a podcast, it made me stop.
And then it made me think.

How many times have I tried to “save” someone - from something I’ve never experienced?

And maybe even more importantly - how many times have I tried to save someone from something I have experienced?

Because once we’ve been through something, it’s easy to believe we understand.

We recognise the patterns.
The emotions.
The weight of it.

And in many ways, we do.

Sharing experiences matters.
Listening matters.

It can offer perspective, comfort, even clarity.

But there’s something we often forget: every person’s backstage is different, the part we don’t see, the part they don’t always say out loud.

The weight they carry
might look similar to ours - but it’s never exactly the same.

I’ve listened to stories that felt so close to mine.

And still,
the way people move through them is completely different.

That’s something I find fascinating.

How we can face similar situations, and still respond in our own way.

It’s also something that makes me more aware of how I speak.

The words I choose.
The way I offer support.

Even when my intention is good, it doesn’t always mean it lands the right way.

We often say:
“We’re only responsible for what we say,
not for how it’s interpreted.”

And I understand that.

But I also think there’s a quiet responsibility
in how we show up for others.

Because there’s nothing worse than opening up
about something deeply personal and being told what to do. How to feel or how you should handle it.

Sometimes, advice isn’t what we need.
Sometimes, it’s the opposite.
Sometimes we just need someone to sit with us.

To listen.
To be present.

And other times - we do want perspective.
We want honesty.
We want guidance.

But when that need isn’t clear,
we can end up speaking different languages.

One person trying to fix.
The other just trying to be heard.

And that’s where frustration begins.

Going back to the idea of drowning - we often think the goal is to swim.
To act.
To solve.
To rescue.

But sometimes, what matters most is knowing when to float.
To pause.
To breathe.
To not rush into action.

Because being present can be more powerful than being right. And when we’re the ones in the water we also have a choice.

To panic.
To fight the current.
Or
To stop,
To look around,
and decide what we need in that moment.

To swim or to float, the choice isn’t always easy.
But it’s always ours.

- With love, Phellipe

Not Everything Needs Fixing

Share it with a Friend